Tainted Love: A High School Bully Romance: A Pacific High Novel Read online

  She can’t hear any of my internal thoughts and, moreover, she wouldn’t care if she could. Connor looks right at me and I assume he’s about to laugh along except he doesn’t.

  Just stares at me, long and hard, eyes traveling from the tips of my dingy sneakers to the top of the messy bun on my head as I sit and try to disappear into the bench. His expression softens a bit and I almost think he’s going to say something… I don’t know? Nice?

  But he doesn’t. Of course, he doesn’t. “Kind of reminds me of a paper bag princess,” he grins.

  And the girl on his arm absolutely squeals with laughter. “Oh my God, the paper bag—Connor, that’s so funny. It’s so perfect. Isn’t it perfect, paper bag princess?” she says, I assume to me, but I ignore her.

  “Eat shit, Connor.” I channel my rage because, if I don’t, I’m going to cry. His comment hit and I think he knows it because he starts to tug tall, blonde, and leggy away.

  “C’mon, I have better things to do with my time,” he says just as Kennedy and Sarah rejoin me, food in hand.

  I throw an obscene gesture at them both before taking a deep breath as I close my eyes. I’m pretty sure I hear the deep rumble of Connor’s laughter as he and his girlfriend walk away. I’m up and ready to bolt in a second, but Sarah and Kennedy look concerned, so I stop.

  “What the hell was that about?” Kennedy asks, balancing her food to the side while linking arms with me. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry we took so long. The line was crazy and they’re understaffed, so the associate had to go and… it doesn’t matter. Are you okay? You look upset. She looks upset, doesn’t she, Sarah?”

  I don’t hear what Sarah replies because I am upset and the tears start to fall and soon they’re dragging me down a long hallway so that they can take me into the restroom. For a little while, I just let the tears fall.

  What else can I do? This is going to be my life now. Connor, popping up at random intervals just to remind me how much I suck and how unworthy I am as a person as if I don’t already know.

  “So, I guess you and Connor aren’t friends?” Sarah ventures.

  “You don’t know they half of it. We used to be best friends, but now…” There was nothing good between us now and he seems determined to make my life as miserable as possible, as if he hadn’t already broken my heart once before.

  “Best friends? Sades, you just say the word and I’ll go give that asshole a tongue lashing that he’ll never forget—what did that chick say to you, anyway?”

  I tell them and they’re both furious by the time I finish, which makes me feel a bit better.

  “Don’t you worry about him,” Sarah says. “We’ll keep him away at school.”

  I smile. “I appreciate it, but I don’t know what you can do about it. He seems pretty persistent and I don’t want to cause shit for you guys.”

  Kennedy waves off my concerns. “That’s what friends are for.”

  “Exactly,” Sarah agrees.

  I’m not going to argue with that, even though it feels kind of strange to have people in my life that are willing to fight for me. Even if we were friends before, it almost feels like starting over here. That they’re willing to fight for me means so, so much to me.

  “Thanks, guys.”

  “For now, and forever, we’re your friends,” Kennedy assures me. “So, get used to it.”

  “I’ll try, and thank you, both of you. Seriously,” I reply, and the tears start up again, so Kennedy and Sarah take my hands and hold tight. I only hope that they won’t regret their decision to be my friend again. Because I have a feeling that things between Connor and I are just getting started.

  Chapter Three

  It’s my first day of school as a senior. I always thought this day would be exciting, or at least that I’d feel more put together than this. Maybe it’s the new school, but I’m definitely not excited to for my first day at Pacific High.

  Kennedy is going to pick me up in her tiny car, which is great because I haven’t been able to figure out the school bus yet and I’d rather not have to spend the morning surrounded by a group of kids that I don’t know.

  Nothing good ever comes from going onto a school bus without any friends to sit with—and I’d know. At my last school, I’d taken the bus all of once before deciding that it wasn’t for me. Not only had I gotten a spitball thrown at me for sitting in someone else’s seat, but I’d practically been jeered off the bus.

  From then on out, I’d opted to walk or take the city bus, which took about the same amount of time but with about three quarters less drama. But now, I’m not interested in figuring that shit out again. I’ll just offer to pay for Kennedy’s gas—Oh! I got a job at the new movie theater. It’s huge and really modern, so I’m excited for that and the money I’ll have.

  The hours aren’t too terrible either, at least not during the week, so it’s better than the last retail job I worked. Start on Friday, which should be fun. During my hiring call, my manager, Dan, walked me through how the first day was going to go down. Apparently, I’d get a run-through of the positions, some safety training, and then I’d shadow one of my coworkers.

  And I’m actually excited for it all, well, excited to have money, I mean. It’s seven-thirty when Kennedy texts me from my driveway, so I grab my bag and skip a jacket. The sun’s out, so it’s looking like it’ll be a beautiful day and I don’t feel like dragging around the extra weight. I’m dressed in my best school clothes, even if they are from last year, and I’m feeling pretty cute as I head out onto the porch after locking the door behind me.

  I straightened my hair, so it gleams in the sun as I quickly make my way to Kennedy’s blue compact car while she waves at me from inside. I slide into the front seat and drop my bag onto the floor in front of me before I buckle up.

  “Mornin’,” Kennedy chirps, obviously a morning person judging from how smiley she is and how put together she looks.

  Her long, blonde hair is wavy and gorgeous and her combination jean on jean outfit looks amazing in a way that I could never pull off. I think she’s wearing a tube top and I’m internally jealous—unless I want to accidentally flash the entire student body, there’s no way I’d be able to cram my boobs into a tube top.

  “You look great!” she says and I don’t call her out for lying.

  “You look like a rock star,” I say back and she laughs.

  “Let’s get out of here. We have enough time for coffee if we hit the drive through,” she suggests. Mom left me some cash for lunch, so I offer to pay. Might have to go with a light snack until dinner, but I appreciate Kennedy picking me up, so I don’t mind.

  Kennedy drives like a maniac, but most people on the west coast seem to drive like maniacs, but in a different way than in San Dimas. At least, in California, everyone seems to be on the same page. In this area, you’re as likely to hit farm vehicles as you are another car. Still, we manage to get a couple of Americanos before setting off for school.

  Class starts at eight-thirty, and Sarah is in my homeroom, which is nice. I already have my timetable, so it should be an easy day. At least, it’s what I’m hoping for. I should know by now not to get my hopes up because I’m always disappointed and as a new student in a new school, there’s no telling how shitty things could get.

  ******

  Most of the day is a wash. Lots of reviewing the expectations for the class, lots of teachers posturing to gain the respect of a student body that largely doesn’t give a shit. And lots of covert texting. Kennedy, Sarah, and I keep in touch throughout the day and end up meeting for lunch in the cafeteria.

  My school is pretty big, but not as big as the last high school I was at. In San Dimas, there were about three thousand students, so it was easy to disappear in the crowd. Here, there are about a thousand, so it’s not as easy to hide, especially when you’re trying to avoid attracting any attention like I am.

  I don’t have much money for lunch after getting coffee for Kennedy and me, but I do have enough to get a
large fries, which is great and should tie me over until I get home later.

  I’m munching on a fry, listening to Kennedy and Sarah plan a sleepover when I hear a high-pitched, fake sounding laugh from behind. I recognize that laugh from the mall, so I make sure not to turn around and look at Boho-Barbie, who’s likely on the arm of Connor right now.

  “Heads-up,” Kennedy whispers furiously. “Asshole incoming.”

  “What?!” I squawk. “Seriously?” I turn around and the horror must be plain on my face because Connor takes one look at me and laughs.

  “Mind if we sit with you, Princess?” he jokes and the girl on his arm laughs again like he’s just said the funniest thing in the world.

  They’re attracting attention and soon everyone’s taking a look at who Connor O’Brien is talking to. I keep my voice low and calm as I tell him that he should find somewhere else to sit.

  “Maybe a table where people actually want you?” I suggest quietly.

  “But what if I want you to want me?” he says with a laugh, that earns a glare from his girl.

  “Boo, Connor. This isn’t any fun. I want to eat something,” she says while tugging on his arm. I think it’s hilarious that she’s getting jealous over the unwanted attention he’s laying on me, so I indulge my pettiness and draw out the conversation, completely ignoring her as I continue on.

  “Just wait a second, Ainsley,” he murmurs before turning back to me.

  “Not everyone wants you, Connor. I know that’s going to be hard to hear when you’re so used to people talking bullshit in your ear all the time.” I don’t look at Boho-Barbie—Ainsley, and he just grins down at me.

  “But you’re not going to lie to me, are you, Princess? You never did lie to me.” Ainsley blinks in confusion. Looks like she doesn’t realize that Connor and I have a past.

  “No, I never lied to you. That was always your thing—or have you forgotten how we used to be friends until you decided I wasn’t good enough to be friends with?”

  “What can I say, I developed taste at a young age,” he says viciously and I have to work to keep myself calm. He’s not going to trigger a reaction from me. It’s obviously what he wants and I’m not going to give it to him.

  “Fortunate for me then that I don’t have to deal with your bullshit either. Thanks so much for showing your true colors. I hate wasting my time on skinny, boring, boorish boys,” I spit out.

  “‘Boorish’? Someone’s been hitting the books pretty hard, but I think rakish is a more fitting description for me,” he shoots back.

  Shit, I think to myself. Connor always was a reader, so I should have known he’d understand what boorish means—not like it’s a hard word or anything, but given that he likes to surround himself with idiots, I assumed he’d become one too.

  You don’t know this Connor, I remind myself. Which is why I have to play it smart. God only knows what kind of influence he can have over the student body here and, if I’m not careful, I could make a lot of enemies very quickly.

  I’m about to go back to ignoring him, and my hand hovering over my fries must draw his attention. “Careful with those fries,” he warns.

  “What exactly do I need to worry about?” I know what he’s getting at. I’m a little chubby, but I exercise, so I don’t give a shit what he thinks.

  His eyes linger on my curves and I just about throw the fries in his face, except that I’m starving and it’s all the food I’ll have between now and the end of the day, so I settle for cussing him out.

  “Fuck off, Connor,” I grit out only to watch as he throws his head back and laughs like I’ve said the funniest thing in the world.

  “See you later, Princess,” he assures me while Boho-Barbie wraps her arm around his and pulls him from our table.

  “I hope not,” I call back. I don’t need this shit and I certainly don’t deserve it. And I hate that a little voice in my head tells me that he didn’t seem to mind my curves when he’d seen me downtown. I hate that I think about what his preference is at all!

  “You okay, Sadie?” Kennedy asks.

  I shrug. “I guess. I don’t know. I’m just… I wish he’d leave me alone.”

  Sarah nods along. “Seems like he can’t stay away from you, which is weird considering what an asshole he is.”

  “Maybe he has some sort of fucked up crush?” Kennedy offers, but I kill that thought with a look.

  “Even if he did, why would I respond to someone being an asshole to me?” I ask. Except that it’s clearly working. I can’t stop thinking about him, which seems to be what he’s encouraging. It’s just so confusing. “Besides, I hate the whole ‘if he’s mean to you, he must like you’ shit. Just encourages the wrong mentality, you know?”

  Kennedy nods. “I did say it’s fucked up.”

  “Very fucked up,” Sarah agrees.

  I groan. “I just want to be able to go to class without having to worry about someone trying to chase me down just to get the last word. I thought I left him behind years ago.”

  Connor O’Brien seems to think that I shouldn’t be able to forget him if his behavior is anything to go by. Which is stupid because he was the one who stopped being friends with me, not the other way around.

  But what if it wasn’t his choice? What if he had to? What a stupid thought. What kind of person is mean to someone because someone else wants them to be? It didn’t make sense.

  And who would care enough about me being friends with Connor that they’d try to sabotage our friendship? That all sounds like a personal vendetta and, as far as I know, no one gives enough of a shit about me for that kind of thing.

  Still, the thought is intriguing, especially considering how things with Connor are so night and day. I groan, rub my face, and go back to eating while Kennedy and Sarah shoot me sympathetic looks. I have to focus on my classes and getting good grades, otherwise, I’m never going to get into college. I don’t need this shit, especially considering how stressful things can be at home.

  “I just want to eat my fries and then die,” I admit.

  Kennedy reaches across the table and gives my hand a squeeze. “Can’t, you’ve got us and we’d miss you.”

  I smile. “Yeah, at least I have that going for me.”

  But with Connor, Boho-Barbie, garbage with mom at home, and the rest of the school year to contend with, I can’t help but think that the drama is just getting started for me.

  ******

  Fortunately, the rest of the day passes without incident, though I’m pretty much starving by the time the bell rings for the end of the day. Kennedy is going to give me a ride home, but she texts and tells me she’s going to be late—something to do with drama club, it doesn’t matter. I tell her that I’ll wait in the parking lot. Which is exactly what I do.

  All alone with my thoughts, I sit on one of the cement curbs and try not to think about how chilly it gets in the Pacific Northwest. With the sun out, it’s pretty warm, but today it’s cloudy so I’m shivering as I wait for Kennedy—definitely should have opted to bring that jacket with me in the morning. I’m so wrapped up in myself and keeping warm that I fail to notice I’m no longer alone.

  “Cold, Princess?” asks the most annoying voice in the world.

  I groan. “Come on, Connor. Are you stalking me now?” I say without looking in his direction. He’s standing right behind me, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give him the satisfaction of me turning around to pay attention to him.

  “You’re sitting next to my car,” he points out and I look to the side and take in the electric car beside me. I have to admit, I would have pegged him for a huge truck kind of guy. One that’s really noisy and attracts a lot of attention. An electric car kind of throws my opinion of him for a loop.

  “And here I would have never expected someone like you would give a shit about the environment,” I muse, unkindly because I really don’t know that much about him at all, other than the fact that he seems dead set on annoying me and making sure I know where
I stand within his school.

  “Shows what you know,” he says before taking a seat beside me. Well, now I have to look at him and I wish I hadn’t. He’s really stupid handsome and even I can see it. No wonder everyone in the school seems to fawn over him.

  Connor runs his fingers through his dark hair as I watch on. I wonder if it’s a nervous tick or if his hair just annoys him. I wonder why I bother wondering anything about him considering he’s not trustworthy or worth my time.

  He’s got a dark, puffy jacket on now that was missing during lunch and it looks so warm I can’t help but wistfully stare at it. I’m such an idiot for not bringing something warm to wear today. I should know better, it’s not like I don’t know how weather works here.

  “You just going to stare all day, or are you going to talk with me?” he asks as I glare. He pops out an e-cigarette and takes a puff. It smells like cotton candy, which is also unexpected. Still, I’m grossed out that he smokes.

  “You walked over here and got up in my business while giving yourself cancer, are you going to talk to me, or just stare?” I shoot back and, to my horror, he grins and stares at me—all of me.

  His eyes linger on my lips before trailing lower, settling on my breasts before dipping to take in my legs. It feels intimate and I hate it. He shouldn’t be looking at me like he enjoys what he sees when I know he’s into leggy and blonde and I’m certainly not.

  Connor licks his lips before sliding his e-cigarette into his jeans pocket, and I have to fight to keep myself from unconsciously responding to that gesture myself. “You look good, MacLean.”

  “And you look like an asshole,” I manage, though he looks like anything but. When he’s quiet and not trying to make me feel like shit, it almost makes me remember what it was like to be friends with him, except he’s not the skinny boy I remember.

  He’s filled out in the most stupidly appealing ways and he’s like an off-limits temptation that keeps popping up to test my willpower or patience—maybe both.